MONDAY MINDFULNESS: Dairy 123 20180625

I had long lost hopes, the inspiration to move on in life and was trapped in the cocoon of despair. By being defeated in a series of life trauma such as my beloved cousin's accidental death, unexpected career obstacles, and major life setbacks one after one, lite by little, I withdrew from my dreams realization and somehow was persuaded by those pessimistic people around who always hide in their comfort zone and probably never dare to risk in life.

That is how I'd depict how my life has been miserably going on earlier on this year.

I forgot my inner child is screaming to break through and longing for success; I forgot to constantly check what my intuition tried to hint and encourage me. I drifted day in and day out aimlessly yet anxiously. I was anxious about wasting more time while I kept on procrastinating; I was aimless hence I wasn't aspired to change or give anything a try.

This weekend, for some good reason, I started to have a glimpse of the bright light at the end of the bleak tunnel I'm going through now. And today, I felt a strong urge to sit down in peace and try to write down what I really want to accomplish and have in this life through a mind map. I want it to be crystal clear and realistic. 

The map-mapping process is very, very powerful and has so magical impacts on me. By thinking thoroughly then jotting down my thoughts and ideas with no hesitancy, I’m able to pragmatically visualize and manifest what I can plan, carry out and then fulfill those amazing work or life projects one by one. I always have faith in myself and in those brilliant ideas I truly have a passion for; that is surely for me, not for anyone else. I'm thrilled to back to myself. I no longer want to repress my inner voice only to be "nice all the time". Instead, I'd bravely "put myself out there", and re-claim my innate gifts, skills, and talents.

One of the big realizations I've come to recently is I'm sick of waiting for confirmation or taking instruction from others when my dreams and life plans are deliberately postponed. It's brilliant to team up with someone or together work on something that is mutually beneficial.  However, my goals and my plans should be always in the picture and be stressed as my first priority. I found it particularly ridiculous to help others materialize their dreams when all of mine is still up in the air. 

Saying no to people, family or friends is never easy for me but it's crucial now especially when enough is enough. One of my old good friends ever reminded me of carefully not being taken advantage of by others as I always radiate positive energy, eager to offer help. I guess life is complex. I'd love to contribute much to someone, some companies who appreciate my talents, time, and who also show me the same respect and gratitude I'm beyond-happy to give in return. However, I can't make everyone happy unless I'm already pleased. And I have no obligation to please anyone at any cost. Other than that, I'd rather enjoy more me time as well as look for some interesting solo work projects before some more fabulous collaborative jobs or opportunities would naturally come up at the perfect moment.

So, from now on, I'd set my boundaries and hold on tight to it. Meanwhile, I’m gonna be also selective about who to keep around and work with. With the better energy and higher frequencies I've enhanced by practicing spiritual meditation or simply surrounding myself with good people, I believe and can’t wait to get back to normal: be the authentic me, and stay put and confident.

**Photo courtesy: Milly, Paco Rabanne, @sydandpiajewelry, My Modern Met, NotSalman, @instylemagazine, Silvia Scherassi, The Jealous Curator, and 29room